I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
