i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
