how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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