OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
