trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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