she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
