i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
