So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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