I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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