I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
