and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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