My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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