I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
