If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
