I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
