I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
