thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
