I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize