If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
