I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
