Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
