You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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