but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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