I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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