As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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