i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
