I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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