i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
