My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
