and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
