I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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