Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
