Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
