Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
