Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
