What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
