He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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