Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
