at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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