im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
