Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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