but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
