that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
