sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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