I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Acid is not a monday night drug
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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