pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
