Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
