Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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