there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
