Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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