i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
