she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
a search helicopter?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
