We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
