the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
