also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
