Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
