phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
