your thong is hanging out like whoa
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
