I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I deserve this hangover.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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