Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
