he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
