he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
