You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
