Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
