I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
