What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
