Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
