I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
