every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
