I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
