I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
