Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
