Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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