1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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